Thursday, November 13, 2014

Where Are All The REAL Men?

Where Are All The Real Men?

So I've been single now for a little over a year. During this time, I've had the opportunity to really observe the dating scene since I have been out of it for so long. One of the things I have quickly realized is that it is not difficult to set yourself apart. Many men have absolutely no clue how to interact with women. It's really sad to watch.

The following are just some observations that I've noticed over the last year. If you are a man and you are doing these things, stop it. You are absolutely ruining your chances of attracting a good woman into your life.

Real Men Know How To Meet Women & Have A Conversation

One of the first things that I have noticed is that many men have no clue how to meet women and have a conversation. I believe this is a product of technology and social media. Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of these tools. However, some men seem to have completely lost the art of how to do this effectively.

First off guys, you really need to cut it out with the lame inbox messages that you are sending these women. Any woman that is at least mildly attractive on a social media site can share stories of some of the most pathetic attempts that men have made in their inbox. Propositioning a woman on social media that you don't know for naked pics is NOT the way to go about meeting women.

Ask her questions about herself. Identify areas of common interest and talk about them. Share stories from your life and your experiences.

This applies to in person too. The biggest mistakes I see guys make in person is they either are too afraid to approach and talk to a woman, or they immediate go into compliment and attack mode. Neither of those are going to work. 

If you don't know how to have a conversation, here's a good strategy. Start off by having conversations with people that you aren't interested in. They could be other men, women you aren't attracted to, children, and so on. By having lots of conversations you will build up practice and get good at it. Then, when it's time to have a conversation with a woman that you like, you will stand a better chance at being successful.

If you learn to have a conversation and learn how to build rapport and commonality, when it comes time to escalate to more romance geared interactions, it will be a thousand times easier. Women are not like men. We as men, we can see a woman, be attracted to her and we are instantly ready to escalate it romantically. Women aren't like that. A connection needs to be established first in most cases before they are ready for romance. 

Real Men Are Confident Not Desparate

Another trait that I have noticed is that some men really lack confidence and convey to women that they are desperate. This is very unattractive and you will blow your chances with a woman when you do this.

First off, don't flip out if a woman doesn't respond to you as fast as you would like her to. On social media, I see men saying things like "I see you read my message but didn't respond, are you ignoring me?" Dude, really??? Do you seriously think that is going to want to make a woman be more interested in you? It's not.

I've had women friends of mine tell me that guys have gotten mad at them because they didn't call them back in 15 minutes. Like all this woman is doing is sitting around waiting for this guy to call her. Cut it out and get over yourself bro!

I also see men get really upset because a woman turns them down for a date or they go on a couple of dates and she tells him that she wants to be friends. Some guys even go as far as to curse women out who do this! Big mistake!

There are many women today who are married to men who they initially turned down for a date. There are also many women who are married today to guys who they initially only wanted to be friends with. Also guys, guess what? Attractive women that aren't interested in dating you they have attractive friends that would be interested in dating you. If you are a good guy and treat her right, she would be more than happy to hook you up with one of her friends!

Real Men Are Decisive

Here is one of the WORST scenarios that I see played out time after time again...

WOMAN - So what do you want to do tonight?

MAN - I don't know what do you want to do?

WOMAN - I don't know what do you want to do?

MAN - I'm down for whatever.

UGH!!! I'm getting mad just writing this out! I understand that you want to be considerate of her feelings and all. However, if she is asking you repeatedly like that, she is asking you because she wants you to make the decision. So go ahead and make the decision!

If you ask a woman out for a date, you can ask her some questions to get an idea of what she likes. You obviously don't want to take her to a seafood restaurant if she is allergic to seafood. However, once you got enough information from her, go ahead and plan out the date.

The worst thing that can happen is she doesn't have a good time. However, I can tell you this from personal experience. I have planned out dates since I first started dating in college. I have NEVER had a woman that did not have a good time on a date with me. Even if it was something she never did before or wouldn't have personally selected she still had a good time.

It's not because I'm such an amazing guy to be with. It's because I'm DECISIVE and I know how to make a decision. That is what most women want, even if they don't admit it.

Give it to them.

Real Men Value Their Time

My friend Richard was on the train today and he heard a guy complaining about a woman he was dealing with. He was whining because he has been on 5 dates with a woman and she hasn't responded recently. 

This guy is an example of a man who doesn't value his time. 5 dates is MORE than enough time for a woman to show romantic interest in you if she is in fact interested. Value your time and move on. That doesn't mean that you cut her off and not be her friend anymore. However, it does mean that you may need to start going out on dates with other women.

It's even ok to date more than one woman at a time until you find someone that you want to commit to and wants to commit to you. Just don't be dishonest and deceitful about it. Most women understand that single means you are not in a committed relationship with anybody and understand if you're dating more than one person. Some of them are even dating more than one person themselves.

Some men talk to women on the phone and they allow the woman to do everything else but talk to them. If she's having conversations with a bunch of other people other than yourself, it's perfectly acceptable to tell her that she should call you back later when she is less busy. A woman will never respect and value you and your time as a man if you don't respect and value yourself and your time.

Real Men Know What They Want

Finally, real men know exactly what they want and they are focused on getting just that without settling. One of my friends Trevor, recently wrote a book called Never Settle: The Essential Guide to Finding and Keeping Your Ideal Mate. I highly recommend that you read this book, especially if you struggle with knowing what you want in a relationship.

Dating is a thousand times easier when you know exactly what you want. You don't have to waste a bunch of time with women that you have no interest in and women who have no interest in you. When I meet and date women, I work with a blueprint of exactly the type of woman that I'm looking to be with in my life. Dating allows me to find out if this woman is that type of woman or not. I learned this blueprint principle from Trevor.

I'm probably preaching to the choir here because the men that actually need to read something like this are probably not even reading this. However, I figure I would put it out there anyway hoping that the right person reads it and is able to take action on it. If you enjoyed this blog post, feel free to share it with your friends and on your social media profiles. Together, we will be able to find the real men! I know we are out there somewhere!

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